


Echoes

by Dreamshaper



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Holtzbert - Freeform, bit of angst, but more fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 09:56:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7930294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamshaper/pseuds/Dreamshaper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It begins with a nightmare and ends with a dream. Holtzmann is there when Erin needs her, and it changes their friendship to something more. Three-parter, working towards Holtzbert :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Echoes of a Nightmare

After they had saved the city, perhaps the world, the bad dreams – the nightmares – stopped, for a while.

It was somewhat surprising to Erin, when for the fourth morning in a row, she awoke after a night of restful sleep – after all, she had been sure that, while her usual nightmares might take a break, she’d dream of the Rowan Incident, as the group had dubbed it, of the ghosts they had fought, perhaps of something during said battles going wrong, one of them getting injured or even killed. She had been sure she’d dream of the dreadful moments in the vortex, of something going wrong there, getting stuck there maybe, or failing to grab Abby; if she had any dreams though, she didn’t remember them, and judging from how well-rested she felt each morning, she figured that, if they had happened, they couldn’t have been bad.

After the fifth perfectly restful night, Erin dared to begin hoping that perhaps, the nightmares were gone for good, that finally, being a Ghostbuster and saving the city had given her confidence the boost it had needed to rid her of them; the sixth perfect night strengthened that belief, and the seventh cemented it further, and for the first time in years, she felt good the moment she opened in her eyes in the morning.

And then, in the eight night, the nightmares came back.

She blamed the fact that she, over-eager to get some work done, hadn’t bothered to actually go home and sleep in her bed, but had fallen asleep at her desk; perhaps, if she had slept in her bed, she wouldn’t have had one of those dreams again, but she hadn’t, and so, she awoke shortly after 3 a.m. with her heart racing in her chest and cold sweat on her brow and palms.

With a heavy breath, Erin wiped her hands on her pants, then ran them through her hair; her back and neck hurt, thanks to the position she had been sleeping in, and for a moment, she felt like crying, miserable from the nightmare and in pain from hours of slumbering in a chair, and just when she had thought that finally, _finally_ , she wouldn’t be plagued by these dreadful images in her sleep anymore.

She took in another deep breath, telling herself that this was ridiculous, she was a grown woman of forty-two, smart – brilliant, some would actually say – and now with a well-respected career (except for a few who kept calling them frauds, but after the massive ghost onslaught on the city less than two weeks ago, those voices were growing quieter and fewer), so surely, it was time to forget about the not so good times in her life, and certainly stop dreaming about them.

Slumping back into the seat, she stared up at the ceiling, wondering if she could risking go back to sleep; going home at this time wasn’t practical, she knew, but the couch looked quite inviting, and it wouldn’t be the first time she’d spend the night at HQ, anyway, by now having a change of clothes there for these occasions.

_This is no game, I know all too well_  
This was what I lived,  
this was all that I knew once 

Erin startled at the unexpected sound coming from upstairs, having been quite sure that she was the only person awake at HQ by now – Holtzmann practically did live here, anyway, but still the physicist had been somewhat convinced that she was fast asleep, and not still working up on the second floor.

_Perhaps she just forgot to turn off the music,_ she thought to herself, getting up from her seat and grimacing at the cracks this elicited from her spine, _I better go check._

She stretched, producing more cracks and wincing at the flash of pain, then made her way upstairs; and even though it was practically in the middle of the night, Holtzmann was, to her surprise, still awake, bent over what appeared to be a proton shotgun, humming along softly to the music, for once not an 80’s tune, but a melodious, quiet piece Erin found quite appealing.

Not wanting to startle her, she stopped in the doorway and just watched her for a few seconds, not fully aware of the smile which curled her lips; half a minute ticked by like this, then Holtzmann apparently became aware of someone watching her since the humming stopped and she lowered the tool she had been using on the weapon, turning in her seat afterwards, smiling when she saw Erin standing there.

“Hey, hot stuff”, she greeted, the redhead by now hiding quite well how this pet name made her heart skip a beat, “fancy seeing you here at this time.”

“I fell asleep”, Erin explained, stepping into the room and closer to the engineer’s desk, smiling again when Holtzmann removed several parts from the chair next to her so she could sit, “at my desk. Not the smartest thing to do for a woman my age, which is why I woke up at this ungodly hour, heard your music and decided to see if you just forgot to switch it off.”

“I never forget to switch off my music”, Holtzmann replied indignantly, earning another smile from Erin while she moved to sit next to her, “I just work crazy hours and I don’t need much sleep.”

“Because you drink insane amounts of coffee”, Erin pointed out, smiling though to make the words sound less harsh, “mind me asking what you’re working on? Looks like a shotgun.”

“Oh, it is”, Holtzmann replied, her voice taking on the eager tone she always seemed to have when she spoke to Erin about her inventions – and only to Erin, the redhead had noticed, she sounded enthusiastic when talking to Patty and Abby, too, but not quite as happy as when she was talking to her, “or, well, it will be, when I’m done. Look, the charger’s gonna go here, and…”

She kept talking and pointing things out to her, and slowly, but steadily, Erin forgot all about her nightmare, enthralled by Holtzmann’s undiluted joy about her work; soon though, she felt her eyelids grow heavy again, but fought against the oncoming tiredness, suddenly frightened of going back downstairs and to sleep there, afraid that the bad dreams would come back.

“You should get some rest, Gilbert”, Holtzmann picked up on her increasing sleepiness, sounding a bit amused, “or you’ll fall asleep right here on this chair, fall off and hit your head. Or I’ll try to catch you and we’ll look all dramatic.”

“Yeah”, Erin agreed, didn’t move though; several seconds ticked by in silence, then Holtzmann raised an eyebrow at her questioningly, and she felt her cheeks heat up, suddenly feeling uncomfortable as she realized she had to give some sort of explanation for her reluctance.

“If you don’t wanna go down the stairs in the dark, I can lend you a flashlight”, Holtzmann offered before she could say anything; she cleared her throat, then shook her head, suddenly finding it hard to look at her friend and opting to study her own feet instead as she replied.

“It has nothing to do with the stairs”, she let the engineer know, fighting the urge to nervously play with the hem of her shirt, “it’s just… I’m having dreams, you know, bad ones. About… well, the past. Surprisingly, not about Rowan and friends, apparently, any traumata I gained through that are way smaller than those collected through my high school years. They had stopped, for a week, but now they are back and I’m… kinda scared to go back to sleep now.”

She laughed nervously, feeling quite far from the professional she was supposed to be, almost expecting Holtzmann to join her laughter, only she wouldn’t be laughing with her, but at her; instead though, the engineer gave her an uncharacteristically serious look, then reached out and briefly touched her hand, unaware of the jolt she sent all the way up her arm with the little gesture.

“I see”, Holtzmann said instead of laughing, nodding as if she completely got what Erin was talking about – and perhaps, the physicist realized, she did, surely, she hadn’t just developed her eccentric personality during the past few years, and she knew first-hand how cruel kids could be.

“You can sleep here on the couch if you like”, the engineer continued, gesturing to said couch, “maybe, having someone else nearby will help? And if not, I can wake you up in case I notice you having a nightmare.”

“…thanks”, Erin replied after a moment, a second during which a million possible responses had ran through her mind, ranging from agreement to rejecting the offer, before she had decided to settle for the one most honest and genuine, “I really appreciate that Holtz, thank you.”

“No biggie”, Holtzmann shrugged, giving her another smirk afterwards, the flirtatious tone returning to her voice as she went on, “you know I’d never say no to having a pretty woman on my couch.”

Not quite sure how to reply to this, Erin just gave her a nervous smile, then yawned heartily; this prompted Holtzmann to tell her again that she should get some rest, and this time, she got up immediately after she had nodded her agreement.

“I’ll try to be quiet”, Holtzmann reassured her, simultaneously switching off the music, “sleep tight.”

“Thank you”, Erin sincerely said, hoping she could convey that she was thanking her for more than just the “sleep tight”; Holtzmann smiled and winked, then turned towards her work again while Erin got comfortable on the couch, snuggling into the surprisingly soft pillow, fast asleep not even a minute later.

* * *

 

She was twelve again, and hiding away in the washroom, locked in one of the stalls and pressing her fist against her mouth so she wouldn’t cry. They had taunted her again, of course, like every day, and this time, it just had been too much, so she had started punching, flailing around randomly with the inefficiency of a twelve year old who had no idea what she was doing; that had made them laugh at her, and they had told her to find a boxer’s ghost so he could teach her, and then one of them had hit back, and he had been much better at it and punched her right in the mouth, her lip split and swollen now, at least not bleeding anymore but

_(Erin)_

but it hurt and she was humiliated and

_(Erin!)_

and they would never stop, she knew they would never stop, and now she did cry, tears rolling down her cheeks—

Her own strangled sob woke her, accompanied by a voice which she found familiar, but couldn’t place in the first few seconds; then, as the voice began to make soothing noises, she recognized it as Holtzmann, unable to hold back another sob before she regained at least a bit of self-control, simultaneously feeling the engineer’s arms tighten around her and realizing, with an odd mixture of embarrassment and warm fuzziness, that the blonde had moved to hold her in her arms when she had realized she was having a bad dream.

“Shhhh”, she heard Holtzmann mumble, making her wonder if the blonde actually was aware that she was awake or thought she was still asleep, an unasked question the engineer answered with her next words, “it’s okay, you’re not there anymore, you’re here and you’re safe.”

Erin still felt embarrassed, but the feeling was pushed aside quite easily by how good it felt to be held like this; she tried to remember the last time anyone had embraced her like that, complete with tender rubbing of her back, and couldn’t, the hitch in her breath not caused by her nightmare alone anymore at this realization.

“I’m awake”, she mumbled, even though she wasn’t quite sure she was ready to have Holtzmann let go of her already; apparently though, the engineer wasn’t planning to do so, anyway, keeping her arms around her, and still rubbing her back, clearly believing that she still was in need of comfort.

For a while, they both were quiet, the only sound being the soft rustling of fabric Holtzmann created as she rubbed Erin’s back; then, the engineer spoke up, keeping her voice low though, the tender tone making the physicist’s heart tighten in her chest. “Want to talk about it?”

“…no”, Erin mumbled after a moment, not quite ready for this, “sorry, but…”

“Don’t be”, Holtzmann told her at once, “I know the feeling. But you didn’t even sleep for an hour before I had to wake you up, you should try to rest some more.”

She started to pull back, and suddenly, the thought of not being held anymore made Erin feel close to tears again; and before she could stop herself, she said “Holtz?” in a tiny, trembling voice, the other woman pausing at once, waiting for her to speak on, something she did a moment later. “Could you… um… stay?”

“Sure”, Holtzmann replied at once, not letting it show if she thought this was weird, “no problem. Want me to be big spoon?”

“Please”, Erin murmured, feeling herself blush; in response, Holtzmann settled in behind her, some shifting and manoeuvring required until they both were comfortable, one of the engineer’s arms draped over Erin’s waist now, the other shoved beneath the pillow so it wouldn’t be in the way.

“Sleep well”, Holtzmann mumbled to her once they both had gotten comfy, “I’ll try to keep the nightmares away.”

She briefly tightened her hold on the physicist, then went slack as she relaxed; and after half a minute, Erin allowed herself to do the same, closing her eyes, trying to go back to sleep, even though having the engineer so close to her made this much more difficult than she had anticipated.

After a while though, her tiredness won out, and she drifted off into sleep again… and slumbered peacefully until the next morning, Holtzmann keeping all the bad dreams away, just like she had said.


	2. Echoes from the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fancy event, an unpleasant run-in, and again Erin finds that Holtzmann is right there when she needs her.

“So how do I look?” Erin wanted to know, giving her best to sound as if she didn’t really care about it, anyway, but not quite able to keep the hint of insecurity out of her voice; anyone else might have missed it, but Abby didn’t, and she smiled reassuringly as she told her friend that she looked great, just perfect for the event at City Hall the mayor had invited them to.

“If you want”, she then added, with another look at the dress her friend had chosen for the evening, a black one slightly tighter than what she normally wore and with a bit more cleavage, “I can get Holtz, she’ll go non-verbal and her eyes will pop out when she sees you in that dress, would that convince you?”

“Stop that”, Erin commanded in response, blushing; it wasn’t surprising that the others had picked up on how Holtzmann was flirting with her, seeing she was doing it constantly, even in the middle of ghostbusting, but only Abby seemed fully aware of the effect the younger woman had on Erin, and teased her mercilessly about it.

“You know she’s gonna see you sooner or later anyway, right”, she demanded to know, while Erin distracted herself from how Holtzmann right react to her by putting on her shoes, the heels adding another two inches to her height, “and I tell you, she’s gonna go non-verbal.”

Erin wasn’t quite as sure about that, thinking to herself that surely, someone like Holtzmann would never in earnest flirt with someone like her; she told herself that the engineer was only having a bit of fun, perhaps spurred on by how she always reacted to the flirting, but certainly, there was no deeper emotion behind the flirting, so why Holtzmann should react to her in formal wear in any other way than with some pickup-line was beyond her.

“Yeah, whatever”, she just said out loud, rolling her eyes at the look Abby shot her in response; then, she distracted herself from Holtzmann and the thoughts and feelings the engineer caused for her by checking her make-up one more time, making sure that, light as it was, it looked proper, finishing the outfit by putting on a pair of silver earrings, nothing all too flashy, just two discreet hoops which probably wouldn’t be visible half the time anyway, hidden beneath her hair.

“Okay”, she said, pulling on a light jacket against the evening’s chill, “ready. Let’s go see if the others are.”

Patty was, to the surprise of no one, since she had been talking about this event for weeks; Holtzmann was nowhere in sight though, and so, Abby hollered for the engineer, rolling her eyes at the answer Holtz shouted from the second floor.

“Be there in a minute”, the blonde was yelling, accompanied by sounds of thumping, “had to clean my boots!”

Erin wondered what exactly the engineer would wear to the event if she combined it with her heavy, clunky boots; she had a brief, rather unpleasant vision of Holtzmann going to that fine event in her ghostbusting suit, and then the engineer came down the stairs, and her brain shorted out for a second or two, only able to form one more or less coherent thought.

_Oh my God she looks so hot._

Unlike her three friends, Holtzmann wasn’t wearing a dress – not that Erin could imagine her in one, anyway – but not her ghostbusting coveralls, either; instead, to the physicist’s delight, she had opted for a charcoal grey suit, complete with button-up shirt, vest and tie, the goggles in her hair and the heavy boots she was wearing the few eccentricities she had allowed herself, something which, while it might have looked weird or even dumb on anyone else, looked perfect on her, just so very _Holtzmann._

Realizing that she was staring, Erin snapped herself out of it; and apparently, she realized a heartbeat later, Abby had been quite right about how Holtzmann would react to her, her heartrate doubling when she realized that the engineer was looking at her pretty much the same way she must have been staring at her, her eyes wider than usual, her whole body perfectly still as she took in the sight.

“Holtzy”, Patty was the first one to react to her unabashed staring, “we all know Erin looks good but you’re exaggeratin!”

Holtzmann coughed in reply, looking away from Erin with what seemed to be quite the amount of willpower; she cleared her throat again, then smirked her trademark smirk, and Erin wondered if she was the only one who noticed that it was not quite as wide as usual.

“Well”, the engineer drawled, with another approving look at Erin, the kind of look which made her feel quite flushed, “not sure one can exaggerate about this. Looking really good there, Gilbert.”

“Thank you”, Erin replied, the reaction Holtzmann had had to her suddenly allowing her to respond with more than just nervous smiling and blushing, “you’re quite nice to look at, too, Holtz.”

“We better don’t stand next to each other in case someone takes pictures”, Holtzmann told her with a wink, “or the camera lens is gonna melt right through.”

At this, Erin laughed, earning a much warmer smile from the engineer than the smirk she normally wore; Erin smiled back at her, then realized that they had an event to get to, just when Abby asked if they were all ready to go now, earning nods from the other three.

“Let’s get going then!” she declared, leading the way; the other Ghostbusters fell in behind her, and as Erin walked in front of Holtzmann, she could feel the engineer’s eyes on her back, and not for the first time, found herself wondering if perhaps, the flirting and the smiles and those certain looks perhaps weren’t just for fun after all.

* * *

 

The dinner was good, a fancy five course meal, and perhaps had tasted even better because it had been free; and now, they were mingling, at first having tried to stay together – and Erin, without admitting this to herself, trying to stay close to Holtzmann in particular – but slowly drifting apart as people addressed them and started conversations with them.

Erin talked to fellow physicists for a while, then that little cluster of people broke up and she moved on; she spotted Holtzmann talking to an elder guy and what appeared to be his wife a few feet away, explaining something about her work, Erin figured, judging from how her hands were moving animatedly, and for a moment, she almost felt like going over and join the conversation.

One of the waiters ambled past, and blocked her view for a moment; she took the chance given and exchanged her empty wine glass for a fresh one, bringing it to her lips and taking a sip of the cool liquid, only to nearly choke at the voice which spoke up from right behind her.

“Erin Gilbert”, a vaguely familiar man exclaimed, her brow furrowing as she turned to look at him and tried to place him, knowing him from somewhere, only to feel as if he had punched her in the gut when he spoke on and she immediately knew exactly why he had seemed familiar.

“Erin Gilbert”, he said again, as if to make sure it really was her, “our ghost girl. Quite fitting name now though, huh?”

“Marcus”, was all she could think of, wondering if he had forgotten how he had been one of those bullying her most in high school or if he was hoping she had; he smiled toothily at her, apparently happy that she remembered his name, unaware that no happy memories were connected to it.

“You remember me”, he said, beaming, and she remembered that smile, God how she remembered that smile, usually accompanied by a shove which rammed her into a locker or against the wall, or by a continuously varying flow of insults, “who would have thought we’d meet at such an event, after all these years?”

“I don’t want to talk to you”, Erin told him, giving her best to sound stern and like she meant it, aware of how hard it suddenly was to breathe and of how stuffy the air around her felt; having a panic attack was the last thing she needed right now though, not in a place like this with all these people around, and so she tried to make herself breathe regularly, no matter how difficult it seemed, and tried to ignore her racing heart.

“What”, Marcus gave back, sounding so honestly baffled that she couldn’t believe it, clearly having no idea why she wasn’t happy to see him, “why wouldn’t you? Come on, the ghost girl thing was just a joke, you’re not still hung up on that, are you.”

“Hey hot stuff”, a very familiar, and very welcome voice came from the left, accompanied by an arm moving to drape over her shoulders, and she wasn’t sure if it was just a gesture of affection or if Holtzmann actually had realized that she was close to a panic attack and was trying to support and ground her, “who’s your friend?”

“I’m Marcus”, he introduced himself, “Marcus Halverstrum. Erin and I went to school together. You’re Jillian Holtzmann, right?”

“ _Doctor_ Jillian Holtzmann”, Holtzmann corrected him, her eyes narrowing slightly; Erin hadn’t told her all about her high school experience, but she had told her enough, and Holtzmann was better at reading between the lines than the casual observer might think… and from how tense Erin was next to her, it wasn’t difficult to figure out that she wasn’t exactly happy to see this man.

“You went to school together, huh”, she asked innocently, leaving her arm where it was, this allowing her to feel how the redhead tensed up even further at these harmless words, “good times, huh?”

“For you, maybe”, she went on after he had nodded with another toothy smile; anyone else might have tried to diffuse the situation, but she had been there when Erin had cried in her sleep, when she had spoken about the bullying, had seen her the pain in her eyes and heard it in her voice, and so, she didn’t bother to hold back any verbal punches, “for her, not so much. So I suggest you make like a bee and buzz off.”

“What”, Halverstrum replied, incredulous, “come on, don’t be ridiculous, we were just talking, and that was years ago. Erin, tell her, we just talk a bit, right? No harm done.”

“I told you”, Erin replied, calmed down and strengthened by Holtzmann’s reassuring presence next to her, the engineer’s arm still around her, her hand having come to rest on her shoulder, “I don’t want to talk to you. Come on Holtz, let’s go.”

Giving in to a sudden impulse, she put her arm around the engineer’s waist, briefly aware that they had to look quite like a couple now, then deciding that she didn’t care; Halverstrum raised an eyebrow at the sight, and Holtzmann clearly had fun with adding to his confusion, winking at him before she let Erin steer her away from the man.

“I need a freaking drink”, Erin mumbled once they were out of earshot; amused, Holtzmann pointed out the wine glass she was holding, and immediately, Erin shook her head, making the engineer raise an eyebrow when she stated she needed something stronger than that.

“Wait here”, the blonde then said, “I’ll be right back.”

It was strangely unpleasant to have Holtzmann’s arm vanish from her back, Erin realized, suddenly feeling cold where it had been before and now was gone; bravely, she remained where she was though, even though she kept glancing around inconspicuously, just in case Marcus would decide to make another appearance and try to talk to her once more.

To her relief, he didn’t show up again, and Holtzmann wasn’t gone for long; and when she came back, she was, to Erin’s amusement, holding two shots of what appeared to be tequila, winking at her as she held one out to her.

“Hardest stuff they had”, she stated while Erin took the shot from her, trying to remember the last time she’d had tequila, “and they had no salt and limes, which is a shame, but you still have that wine to wash it down with, so…”

“Thank you”, Erin smiled, raising the tiny glass; smirking, Holtzmann did the same, and they clinked them together before downing the shot, the physicist shaking herself afterwards and pulling a face which made the engineer laugh, a smirk still curling her lips by the time Erin had washed the taste down with some wine and wasn’t grimacing like a Halloween pumpkin anymore.

“Hope it helped”, Holtzmann told her, still smirking her trademark smirk at her; Erin wasn’t quite sure if it was the alcohol or the way the engineer was looking at her, but she felt her heart flutter oddly, and after a moment, she decided that it had to be a mixture of both, by now quite aware of the feelings the blonde was causing for her, and coming to accept them, telling herself that fighting them or just ignoring them wasn’t quite possible, anyway.

“It did”, she reassured her, “and so did you, especially when you came to rescue me from Halverstrum. Thanks for that, too, by the way, I don’t know what might have happened if you hadn’t come.”

“Well”, Holtzmann replied with a shrug, taking a swig of the beer bottle she had picked up for herself when she had gotten them the shots, then speaking on, “you looked like you’d either faint or throw up any moment, and since neither option seems all too pleasant, I figured I might as well interrupt. Nothing to thank me for.”

“Still, thank you”, Erin insisted, making the engineer smile slightly, “I might have thrown up indeed if you hadn’t been there, and these heels are new, so…”

Holtzmann laughed at that, and the sound caused Erin’s heart to flutter oddly again; she smiled, then once more gave in to a strange impulse out of nowhere, leaning in this time and pressing a small, but gentle kiss to Holtzmann’s cheek, unable to hold back a giggle when she pulled back and saw the stunned look on the engineer’s face, a smile quickly curling the smaller woman’s lips though, showing Erin that the little smooch had been more than welcome.

“Come on”, she said, before Holtzmann had the chance to say something about what she just had done, “let’s go find Abby and Patty, before they think we got into trouble or something.”

Nodding, Holtzmann placed the shot glasses on the nearest table, then made Erin smile once more by putting her arm around her shoulders again, in a casual move which made it seem like no big deal; and after a moment, Erin returned the gesture by putting her arm around the smaller woman’s waist, just like she had before, only that this time, she hooked her index- and middle finger into one of the belt loops on Holtzmann’s pants, silently marvelling at how well they seemed to fit together like this as they went to find their friends, and suddenly not caring at all anymore what the people around them might think if they saw them like that.


	3. Echoes from our Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another nightmare keeps Erin from getting sleep, but this time, she knows who will be there for her.

Holtzmann had kept the nightmares at bay several nights ago, simply by being there and holding her close as she had slept; since she figured though that, going up to the engineer every time she had bad dreams wasn’t quite an option, not wanting to end up being a burden, she gave her best to just ignore the nightmares, even when she woke up in a cold sweat and with tears on her cheeks.

And after her run-in with Halverstrum, the nightmares only got worse, no matter if she slept at her home or at the headquarter.

She tried to handle them on her own, for the first three nights after the event; on the fourth night though, the nightmare was so bad that she woke up trembling all over, her heart racing in her chest, tears streaming down her cheeks as she laid in the darkness, staring up into the darkness, not quite able to spot the high ceiling of the HQ in the dark.

For a while, Erin just laid there, trying to get her heartrate and breathing under control; and as she laid there, she heard the soft music from the second floor, and even though she was still worried that Holtzmann might get annoyed by this nightly neediness, she couldn’t help herself, but suddenly just knew that she _had_ to go up there, that Holtzmann’s mere presence would be enough to make it better.

And so, she got up from the couch she had fallen asleep on shortly after she had given up working for the day; she made her way upstairs, not bothering to try being quiet, figuring that, if Holtzmann heard her come upstairs, she wouldn’t startle her when she’d enter her workshop, and at least, this little plan worked out, the engineer looking at the doorway curiously, alarm replacing the curiousness though when she saw that it was Erin and took a closer look at her face.

“Erin”, she said, before the physicist could say something, carelessly tossing her tools onto the table and coming to her feet, making Erin wonder how bad she actually had to look, “you okay? What happened?”

“Bad dream”, Erin mumbled in response, fighting the urge to look away from her face and down at the floor, “it was… really bad this time, then I heard the music and decided to come up here… If this is a bad time, I can go back downstairs…”

“What, no”, Holtzmann gave back, already moving to the couch and gesturing at her to join her, prompting her to move over and sit down next to her, “come on, you’re never coming at a bad time.”

Erin smiled weakly at that, allowing herself to lean into the engineer when she put one arm around her shoulders; it reminded her of how she had done exactly this at the fancy event, and of how she had come to her rescue just when she had needed it, and all at once, she couldn’t hold back the words anymore, even though she had been determined to never speak in detail about what had been done to her, somehow convinced that acknowledging it this way would only make it worse.

“They got worse again”, she began, in a low, small voice, barely noticing how Holtzmann pulled her closer, “after… after I ran into Halverstrum. He was one of the worst, you know, one of the popular guys, and… I don’t know, he got his kicks out of making his buddies laugh by bullying others. Me, a lot, and others, too, but I think I was one of his primary targets. And when I saw him there, and he grinned at me like that, just like he did when he’d shove me into lockers or insult me… I don’t know, it all came back. Even more than it usually does.”

“That guy is a dick”, Holtzmann declared in response, perhaps not the most tactful answer, but it had the effect she’d been hoping for – Erin let out a gasp, then smiled a bit, looking much less depressed about her own words than she had a few seconds ago.

“You know”, the physicist mumbled after a few seconds had ticked by, “what made it worse, I think, was that he just… laughed it off. He called me ghost girl, as if it was some sort of inside joke between us, and then didn’t get it when I wasn’t overjoyed to see him.”

“Guys like him never get it”, Holtzmann told her, and the way she said it told Erin she was speaking from experience, an impression the engineer confirmed moments later as she continued, sounding a bit thoughtful now, so much unlike her usual confident that tone that immediately, Erin was at the same time intrigued and just a little bit frightened, wondering if Holtzmann ever had told these things to anyone else before.

“You know”, the blonde was saying, still looking at her, but at the same time appearing distant, “I’ve been there. Pretty much like you, I guess, except there were no ghost girl insults, but plenty others. Guess I gave them ample ammunition, being the weird geek girl who dressed weirdly and enjoyed math, taking things apart and blowing stuff up. Not to mention being gay, I guess that is a given.”

She paused for a moment, and Erin reached out and grasped her hand, reminding her that she was there with her and listening; Holtzmann gave her a brief smile, then spoke on at last, not happy to be speaking about this, but figuring that it might help Erin to know that she wasn’t alone with her painful past.

“And, well”, she thus said, “there was this one guy, I guess he was my version of Halver-what’s-his-face. Shoving into lockers, wedgies, one time he actually shoved me into the toilet. I ran into him shortly after I’d started working with Abby, at the hardware store, of all places, and he acted as if we’d been best friends in high school. As if he never did anything wrong.”

“That guy is as much of a dick as Halverstrum”, Erin told her, smiling at the sort Holtzmann let out in reply, a twinkle of amusement back in her eyes when she looked at the redhead.

“Why, Dr Gilbert”, she the stated, shaking her head, “such language from your mouth, I’m shocked.”

“I could have said something worse”, Erin pointed out, earning a low chuckle, “but I decided to make use of your wording. And… thank you for telling me this, I can tell it wasn’t easy and it means a lot that you told me anyway.”

“Same”, Holtzmann told her, earning another smile; she smiled back at her, then asked if Erin wanted to spend the rest of the night up here on the couch, not surprised the slightest when the redhead nodded immediately.

“Um, could you”, she then started, blushing a lovely shade of red which made Holtzmann’s heart skip a beat, “you know… Like last time?”

“Be the big spoon again”, Holtzmann clarified, smirking when Erin’s blush deepened in response while she nodded; at the same moment, she realized that she was still holding Holtzmann’s hand, but found it strangely difficult to let go of her all at once, even though she knew that she’d have to, at the latest when they’d go to sleep.

“Sure”, the engineer said, distracting her from her thoughts, “no problem. Did it help last time?”

“Much”, Erin told her, impossibly blushing even more; Holtzmann just smiled at her, for once not making some sort of flirty remark, but simply asked if she wanted to go to sleep right away.

“Kind of, yeah”, Erin admitted, feeling tired again now after all this serious talking, “unless you want to get some more work done first, I can help you out…?”

“Nah”, Holtzmann replied at once, “it’s okay, I was about to go to sleep, anyway. Just let me switch off the music and change into something more comfortable.”

The physicist nodded at that, and after giving her another smile, Holtzmann, to her dismay, pulled her hand back; she vanished into the adjoining small room where she kept a bunch of her stuff not related to work, emerging again not even a minute later though, dressed in a wide, comfy looking shirt, the faded colours and threadbare patches showing that she’d been owning it for a few years – and no pants, Erin noted with another flush, the boxers Holtzmann was wearing looking just as soft and comfy as her shirt.

“Hope you don’t mind the lack of pants”, Holtzmann stated as she walked back to the couch, holding back the urge to raise an eyebrow when, as if in response, Erin checked out her legs quite unabashedly, deciding not to comment on it, “but I don’t really do pyjama pants, so I don’t have any.”

“It’s okay”, Erin reassured her, even though the thought of sleeping next to a practically half-naked Holtzmann made her heart race; she hoped that the engineer wouldn’t notice as she moved to lie on her side, in the perfect position to be spooned, and immediately, Holtzmann joined her, the physicist relaxing at once the moment she could feel the smaller woman’s arm drape itself over her waist.

“Thanks”, she mumbled as she got comfortable, all at once so tired that she was sure she’d be fast asleep within a minute, “you’re the best, Holtz.”

“No biggie”, the engineer reassured her, “sleep well, Erin.”

She let out a vaguely agreeing noise in response, already half asleep… and as she drifted off, she wondered if she had dreamed Holtzmann tenderly kissing the top of her head, or if it really had happened, still wondering about this as she went off to dreamland fully.

* * *

 

She was back at the event, and that was not really surprising, she had gone back to these moments over and over in the past nights; and even though she knew that she was dreaming, she couldn’t control it, dread filling her as she just knew what would come next. Halverstrum would be there again, and he’d make fun of her, call her ghost girl and shove her; and the other people around would laugh at her, they would all laugh at her, chant ghost girl, ghost girl at her, tell her that the whole thing hadn’t been real, but just one big prank to make her look stupid and get her fired from her job, and soon she’d be penniless and homeless in the streets.

And there he was, right on cue, smiling cruelly at her, the smile she had seen so often after his shoulder had oh so casually rammed her into the nearest locker or into the wall next to her; he opened his mouth, and just then, she felt a strong, comforting arm move around her shoulders, and Holtzmann was there, like she had been for real when she had needed her the most.

As if she needed a reminder that this was a dream and not really happening, Holtzmann made finger guns at Halverstrum, and he vanished with an audible _pop_ ; she just had to look at the others, and they vanished, too, and quite soon, they were alone in the large banquet hall.

“There”, the engineer said, “that’s better. No more ghosts.”

“They were ghosts?” Erin asked, feeling surreal, but figuring that this made sense, seeing that it was a dream and all; oddly solemn, Holtzmann nodded, turning to face her, the room around them vanishing until they stood in a lightless, featureless void, but Erin wasn’t scared, knowing there was no reason to be as long as Holtzmann was with her.

“They were”, the engineer told her, her tone as solemn as her features, “ghosts from our past. We don’t need them anymore.”

“No, we don’t”, Erin agreed, and then, without any sort of preamble, they were kissing, and Holtzmann was pulling down the zipper on the back of her dress and she unbuttoned the blonde’s shirt quickly and then opened her pants and slid her hand inside, just as Holtzmann moved one hand beneath her dress, as well, and it was what she had been wanting for so long, and it was wonderful and good and right…

…and when she woke up with a gasp, her heart was racing in her chest, not with fear this time, but with a distinctively more pleasant emotion, and the sweat on her brow and palms hadn’t been caused by terror, either.

She laid perfectly still, feeling Holtzmann snuggled up to her back, the engineer’s breaths pleasantly warm on her neck; her arm was still resting on her waist, and in her slumber, she had draped one leg over the redhead’s, making her somewhat glad that she didn’t need to get up, since doing so would have been quite impossible without waking her up.

_Jesus, Erin,_ she thought to herself, all too aware of Holtzmann so close to her, _you had a sex dream. About Holtzmann. Well, it was better than a nightmare… Way better actually._

“Hmmm”, Holtzmann let out behind her, and she froze, suddenly sure that she had spoken out loud without realizing and Holtzmann had heard; then, the engineer let out a snore, unwittingly signalling to the physicist that she was still fast asleep.

_Thank God,_ Erin thought, allowing herself to relax again; she was quite aware that she was attracted to the engineer, and had come to terms with it, too, to her own surprise quite skilfully avoiding any gay panic, but she certainly didn’t want Holtzmann to find out like this.

“Hmm”, Holtzmann repeated her previous noise, making her wonder if now, perhaps the engineer was having a nightmare, if talking about her high school time had brought the memories back enough to fuel one; then, the blonde mumbled something else, and Erin froze again, for an entirely different reason though.

“Erin”, Holtzmann was murmuring, at the same time tightening her embrace around her just enough to let her notice; it had just been a single word, but the tone with which she had said it…

_Oh my God,_ Erin realized, freezing yet again, her heart seeming to pause for a moment before it began racing at triple speed, _she’s dreaming of me. And judging from how she sounds, her dream’s not PG-rated, either._

She could just ignore this, she knew, and go back to sleep; any mutual feelings which might be between them perhaps shouldn’t be explored in the middle of the night, and certainly not after they’d both had rather… adult dreams about each other.

The rational thing to do, Erin knew, would be to wait until the next day, at least, or until a moment more well-suited than this situation would present itself; and she was a physicist, she was rational and logical, and so of course she did the most illogical thing her mind could come up with.

She turned on the couch and coughed to wake Holtzmann up, and it worked.

“Wha”, the engineer let out, blinking at her sleepily, simultaneously, to her dismay, pulling her leg back, “whaisit? Everything okay?”

“Oh yes”, Erin reassured her, endeared by her sleepy rambling, “it’s just… well, I woke up, not from a nightmare, and you were talking in your sleep.”

It was night, and dark, but some light from the street lamps outside filters in through the window, and by now her eyes got used to the dark, and so she could actually see that Holtzmann’s ears turned red.

“I was?” the blonde said, trying hard to sound nonchalant and failing miserably, “really? I hope that wasn’t what woke you up.”

“No”, Erin told her, “I woke up before I heard you. You must have been having quite the… interesting dream though.”

The emphasis she put on _interesting_ was bold enough so even Holtzmann’s half-asleep brain registered it; the redness of her ears was joined by the flush creeping up her neck and to her cheeks, and she nervously began picking at the hem of her shirt, suddenly all too aware of the way Erin was looking at her.

“Um, you know”, she tried to talk herself out of it, beginning to sweat as she tried to figure out what she might have said – it must have been something juicy, because Erin looked amused and maybe a bit intrigued, too, but at least, Holtzmann reasoned with herself, she didn’t look freaked out, “I can’t really… remember.”

That had been fantastically lame, but she blamed that on being still half asleep; she could remember all too well, in fact, and her heart only now began to slow down from the dream’s excitement, but she certainly wouldn’t tell Erin that, not as long as she didn’t know what she actually had said.

“Really”, Erin gave back, sounding sceptical and giving her reason to wonder if she really was that bad of a liar – probably, she then realized, since she hardly ever lied to anyone, always having been told that she tended to be too brutally honest, “that’s a shame. Maybe I can help you refresh your memory.”

And with that, Erin leaned in, just a tiny bit – they were so close to each other, she didn’t need to move more than an inch, really – and pressed her lips to Holtzmann’s; if anyone had asked her what had possessed her in this very moment, she would’ve been forced to admit that she had no idea, but it felt like the right thing to do, and for once, she ignored her normally pretty good impulse control, giving in to that one certain impulse fully instead, and knowing it had been the right thing to do when immediately, without a moment of hesitation, Holtzmann kissed her back.

The engineer’s brain went from half asleep into overdrive within the blink of an eye, along with her heartrate; and it only got worse – or perhaps, better – when Erin moved one hand to entangle in her hair, and the other slid around her waist, beneath her shirt, coming to a tender rest on her back, heat radiating from where Erin’s palm pressed against her skin.

“Erin”, she brought out when the physicist pulled back, at first for air, then to bend her head a little so she could start kissing along her jawline to the sensitive skin of her throat, her hand simultaneously sliding from her back – leaving a trail of fire – to her front, to her _chest,_ oh my God Erin Gilbert was touching her breasts; she had been planning to ask if she was sure about this, or if she just felt she had to, for some strange reason, but the feeling of Erin touching her, actually pinching her nipple between her index finger and thumb, blew all coherent thought out of her mind.

She had been fantasizing about this for so long, practically from the moment she had seen Erin for the first time, and had dreamed about it, and now it was happening, it was happening for real, it was not a dream, and she felt so turned on, she feared that might explode the moment Erin actually would touch her further south.

A little huff of dismay came from her when she felt Erin stop trail her tongue over her neck; before she could voice a complaint though, the physicist was kissing her again, deeply and with quite the passion, and she couldn’t hold back a moan, a moan muffled by Erin’s mouth, but still the redhead clearly had heard it, since Holtzmann could feel her smile slightly against her lips.

And then, Erin’s hand did go further south, and for a while, Holtzmann’s brain went into standby, shorting out completely at the things the physicist was doing to her, the world around them, even the room they were in forgotten as Erin and her touch and kiss was all she could focus on.

* * *

 

Afterwards, they both just laid there in comfortable silence for a while, Erin’s head resting on Holtzmann’s shoulder; they both basked in the afterglow of what they had done together, tired and satisfied, even though Holtzmann felt that simply thinking back to how Erin had moaned her name when she had started touching her, as well, would be enough to get her all worked up again within a moment.

“Wow”, Erin finally was the one to break the silence, craning her neck so she could look at the blonde’s face, feeling oddly proud at the look of tired content she found there, “I’m really glad I didn’t think about it when I had the idea to kiss you, but just did it.”

“Ha”, Holtzmann let out, making the physicist giggle, “so am I, believe me. I think you broke me, you know, my legs are all trembly.”

“Good thing we don’t have to get up anytime soon then”, Erin commented, snuggling up to her again and letting out a small sigh when she felt Holtzmann move one hand to caress her hair, “and can, in fact, get some more rest. Oh, speaking of rest, did you remember your dream?”

“Who cares about that when the real thing is so much better”, Holtzmann replied dismissively, realizing too late that she just had given away the contents of her dream without meaning to; Erin giggled, showing that she had picked up on it, her eyes sparkling when she looked at her again, a smile curling her lips as she replied, the coy tone in her voice making the engineer feel tingly all over again.

“Is that so”, the redhead wanted to know, “so much better, huh?”

“Way better”, Holtzmann reassured her, then moved them both a bit so she could kiss her; it was a tender and loving kiss this time, far from the passionate ones they had exchanged earlier, and it made them both feel warm and fuzzy inside, neither of them unable to stop grinning when they pulled apart again.

“And, you know”, the engineer then went on, idly playing with a strand of Erin’s hair, “not that I minded, far from it, in fact, but… what exactly brought this on?”

“Oh, you know”, Erin replied lightly, the coyness now replaced with a hint of mischief, finding the time for another brief kiss before she continued, her words making Holtzmann smirk knowingly, and making the redhead blush even though she knew it was nothing to be embarrassed about, certainly not after the things they had done together just minutes go.

“I had a dream, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> So! There will be two more parts to this, I hope you enjoyed this first one :) The song Holtz is listening to is Europa by Machinae Supremacy and can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9UZs4NjFU8  
> Also, shout-out to the Gaybusters, you guys rock! :D


End file.
